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Something about this image just really struck me. It’s a screen shot from the end of the Yanks-Angels series, when their fans were beating their hands on the wall like a bunch of moneys waiting for a can of Alpo. What I realized was: every Yankees fan in the world looks exactly like one of these meatballs.

Which one of these idiots doesn’t look like he spent some time in either a mental or juvenile institution? Remember when they used to measure people’s intelligence or propensity for criminal behavior by measuring the shapes of their skulls? Wonder how these clowns would do in a phrenology test.

#1) Fatty Arbuckle here is actually only 5 years old. He weighs 452 pounds, and his balls haven’t dropped yet.

#2) Here is your prototypical baboon-with-a-five-o’clock-shadow New York fan. Any time I see someone in a Yankees cap, I see this face. (See how we put him chopping his own head in half? Awesome huh.)

#3) Ever seen or read “Of Mice & Men?” This is the guy who’s not Gary Sinese. That’s right Lennie, put the mice down. You’re hurting them.

#4a & 4b) These dudes might actually be siamese twins– they appear to have the same face. At least they’re taking up less space in the universe than 2 regular Yankees fans.

#5) This idiot would get thrown out of a cro-magnon frat party. He must have gotten a free ticket to the game from Father “Slippery Hands” O’Connelly.

#6) Jesus. (This dude’s name is actually Jesus. How could his mother do that to the real Jesus.)

#7) And rounding things off is Vito from “Do the Right Thing.” Remember the idiotic brother who sweeps up the floor and gets beat up by John Turturro? That’s the one.

Do the right thing Phils. Put these clowns to bed early.

Idiots.

Hey Yanks fans– If you guys can’t even take down a Disney team, how are you going to take down the League Of Red October? That must have been a real heartbreaker. I bet you and your dough-faced, five o’clock shadowed Nieuw Amsterdam faithful were in full cocky-smug mode when you took the lead. Basking in your sense of entitlement, pumping your grubby little fists and telling yourselves how much you deserve it. But oh no! Bambi and Dumbo live to play another day! The Yanks aren’t impenetrable- they’re just a bunch of douchevags like we keep trying to tell you! Good luck on Saturday. Or maybe it’ll be Sunday with the rain… either way use them pitchers up!

Meanwhile, back at the PSFS Hall of Liberty… Captain Howard and Señor Octobre await, slumbering softly and gathering strength as they dream of dingers and tasteycakes and Broad Street Parades…

Hey Yanks fans– If you guys can’t even take down a Disney team, how are you going to take down the League Of Red October? That must have been a real heartbreaker. I bet you and your dough-faced, five o’clock shadowed Nieuw Amsterdam faithful were in full cocky-smug mode when you took the lead. Basking in your sense of entitlement, pumping your grubby little fists and telling yourselves how much you deserve it. But oh no! Bambi and Dumbo live to play another day! The Yanks aren’t impenetrable- they’re just a bunch of douchevags like we keep trying to tell you! Good luck on Saturday. Or maybe it’ll be Sunday with the rain… either way use them pitchers up! Meanwhile, back at the PSFS Hall of Liberty… Captain Howard and Señor Octobre await, slumbering softly and gathering strength as they dream of dingers and tasteycakes and Broad Street Parades… -Uncle Cholly